The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as we are dealing with human emotions and judgemental attitudes here as well.

Fortunately I think that most normal friends witnessing a couple of family splitting up can actually see both sides of the coin and actually do stay away from taking sides.

However, in the real world the divorcing couple will normally expect you to commit to one side or the other and this pattern often establishes itself way before the final separation or divorce. This is due to our blame culture where we often ignore our own responsibilities for the situation we find ourselves in – it’s always someone else’s fault – black & white, when actually there will be many shades of grey that overlap and it is often not until many years later and upon a lot of reflective thought that we suddenly realise that we were actually partly to blame for the failure of that relationship.

So, how do friends handle the initial expectation from one part of the divorcing couple to now ignore their former partner? It can be really tough for friends of separating partners – you know, who do you invite to the family party – him or her – can you invite both? – what will happen if they both meet at the daughters wedding? – god forbid but what will happen should each one bring a new partner? – The scenarios are endless.

Having experienced several friends now go through divorce and separation proceedings and each one has found its own set of issues, I can say that there is no set advice or guidance in the form of a one size fits all answer.

However, there are a few outline framework procedures that I would certainly adopt in order to ensure that your former couple remain friends long after the divorce or separation.

Firstly – always try to balance being sympathetic and understanding to your main friend but without actually agreeing to any of their own conclusions regarding blame etc. – remember your only hearing one side of a very unbalanced perspective. This ensures that you do not reinforce your friends biased viewpoint and you can still remain impartial – very important. This may require exemplary diplomatic skills but if your conscious of this fact can actually be quite challenging and rewarding – its like being tested yourself.

Secondly, make it clear to your main friend that you may still see or respond to their former partner from time to time after the divorce or separation for obvious and practical reasons. Most of our lives are intertwined these days with other stuff such as the sharing of the school run or business contacts for example. It needs to be made clear by way of simple inexplicit references with your normal conversations that this will happen. This signals to your main friend that divided loyalties are not actually that simple to divide in the manner that they may be thinking. It also ensures that you are not accused of being a ‘Judas’ and losing the confidence or friendship of your main friend when they find out that you have had contact with their former partner.

And thirdly, never, ever say what you really thought of their former partner even if you think that having empathy with their feelings will help them over this period – Just remember that a high proportion of separating couples do actually end up getting back together again & releasing a load of sympathetic venom last month will stick in your reunited friends throat like barbed wire and your relationship with them both will never be the same again.

Within these three basic guidance rules will be a whole host of anomalies that will occur that will need careful thoughtful planning on what your responses will be for each individual case of a divorcing couple. It wont be easy – it never is especially when dealing with a high emotional content. But trying to frame your responses within these three basic guidance rules should ensure that your friendship is retained and remains flexible for most situations that may occur over the coming years.

Jenny Clair editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com has formed a community web site exploring the various issues of divorce, separation and breakdowns in relationships.

http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com

But the fact is, bridal shower games serve a purpose. No matter how familiar or unsophisticated they might seem, they still serve as icebreakers. And icebreakers are especially useful if your shower combines guests from different walks of life. A shower might toss the bride’s work friends together with her hometown friends and a handful of relatives — and these groups probably don’t know each other — but an icebreaker can bring them together (of course, so can a few chilled bottles of Veuve Clicquot).

So if your guest list is a mixed bag of ages, backgrounds, tastes and styles, here are some true-blue games that will bring your shower through with flying colors.

Bridal Shower Bingo
One of the most popular is, of course, Bridal Shower Bingo. To play this game, dream up a list of words for each bingo card that relates to weddings, wedding gifts, the bride herself, or romance. For the cards themselves, arrange a grid of squares in your favorite desktop publisher, placing each word or phrase in its own square. Make the center square “free” (you’re just generous that way). Or just grab some of those no-cost, printable bridal bingo cards from the internet.

Give each guest their own card. Or if you really want to press home the icebreaker effect, get two guests to share one.

Next, print out your word selection with lots of letter spacing so you can cut up the sheet into strips and toss them in a basket.

Finally, have the hostess act as the caller. She’ll pull the words out of the basket and call them out. Once a player gets a complete marked-off line of words, either horizontally, vertically or diagonally, she shouts out “Bingo” (or “Bride”) in return for a prize.

Uncool, you say? Angelina Jolie would never be caught dead playing Bridal Shower Bingo? Maybe, but you’d be surprised how jiggy things get when you turn up the music and start calling out those words. There’s a reason why hundreds of people flock to bingo halls on a weekly basis — it’s freakishly fun. Leave the anthropologists to wonder why, and just roll with it.

Bingo Redux
One of the funniest variations on Bridal Shower Bingo is to give guests blank cards and have them fill it out with predictions of what gifts the bride will get.

Or for another twist, fill your cards with titles of songs relating to love and romance, and then play 10 second snippets from a CD you’ve burned ahead of time. This gives your guests the double challenge of identifying what they’re hearing, and crossing off the titles. Choose a sweet Starbucks-y combo of Cole Porter, Diana Krall, Ray Charles, and obscure Beatles tunes. It’s fun and cool.

Kiss George Clooney
You could also “kiss the groom,” but why not kiss George Clooney instead?

Take a sturdy board, and staple on a men’s shirt and pants combo from the thrift store. Draw in the hands and shoes, and glue on a life-sized printout of George Clooney’s winsome face. Have each guest apply a healthy dose of lipstick. Now blindfold her, turn her around three times, and have her try to kiss George Clooney on the lips. The closest kisser wins a prize (how about an inexpensive autographed photo from the man himself? Try eBay). The rest get to dream.

Lottery Tickets
Fast and simple, not too costly, and who knows? Someone might go home with special memories … to her new penthouse suite. It could happen!

Purse Pursuit
Or try a scavenger hunt — through a purse. In this game, give your guests a list of things you might find in one. Guests mark off items for points as they hunt through their own purses.

Give expected items (aspirin, cosmetics, mints) a few points. Hand out higher points for odder objects (tiny airline liquor bottles, a granola bar, crochet hooks, a Canadian coin). Award really high points for random items that might show up in a purse (a rock, toilet paper, chopsticks).

If all this seems too complicated, weigh each purse and hand out a prize to the heaviest handbag — since a gift certificate to an orthopedic specialist probably won’t fit your budget.

Finding Favors
For bridal shower favors and great bridal shower prizes (don’t forget … you can usually order just one of each favor and gift!), check out FavorIdeas.com, also a great source for coffee wedding favors.

Filipinos tend to have extended family. Note that almost everyone is called tito or tita, even those not blood relatives. With that in mind, is it any surprise how many bridesmaids and godparents there are in their weddings? It is quite common to have more than 3 sets of anything in the entourage. It is a must for them that all immediate family be part of the ceremony, if at all possible, and no slight must be given. It is quite common to have your boss become a godparent because of this. Oh, and yes, the names of everyone in the entourage will be placed in an insert in the wedding invitation.

There is an interesting practice in certain regions of the Philippines with regards to the wedding dance. Traditionally, the couple takes their first turn on the floor together as the host encourages the guests to pin money on the clothes of the bride and groom (family and friends of the bride pin on the groom and vice versa). It is quite common for the host to turn it into a competition to see which side of the family will give more. They see this as a shower of blessings, for prosperity and to get the newly wedded couple off to a good financial start in their new life.

Expect to have a wonderful wedding of contrasts. If they have their way they’ll give you a solemn and heartfelt wedding ceremony followed by a fun-filled reception that you’ll remember all of your life with joy.

The tradition of providing gifts to guests was adopted by individuals of modest means by selecting simple treats as gifts. Every culture across time has a approached marriage as a wonderful event, with the nuptials celebrated throughout the community. In many societies the bride and groom are associated with good luck, a common thought was that everything they touched would be charmed. By gifting members of the community, they would then pass those same blessings onto others. Many brides would choose to distribute this good luck by preparing a small gift of almonds, beautifully wrapped in an elegant fabric. The custom in the Middle East is for the bride to provide five almonds to represent fertility, longevity, wealth, health and happiness.

For more than a millennium, almonds were commonly given as wedding gifts to the couple, signifying the good wishes on their new life together. In the thirteenth century the practice of coating almonds in sugar became popular, the new confections were called “confetti”. Over time, confetti has transformed to Jordan almonds, now a staple of many wedding celebrations. The combination of the almond and candy signify the bitter sweetness of marriage. Today, Jordan almonds provide one of the most common and traditional wedding favors when they are wrapped in small bundles of delicate fabric or lace and tied with ribbon. Though the most traditional of wedding favors are still appreciated, a bride is only limited to her imagination when it comes to selecting the gifts that will demonstrate esteem from the blessed couple.

Since the sixteenth century, bridegroom couples have been giving gifts to wedding guests as a gesture of gratitude for sharing in the beginning of their new life together. Today, gifts to the guests are known as wedding favors and are commonplace in ceremonies worldwide. The small gifts may vary according to the culture, wealth and the interests of the couple, or theme of the wedding. When it comes to the decision for the right wedding favor, the options are unlimited. A beautifully decorated placecard at the reception table, can make a lovely and inexpensive memento. For couples with larger budgets, a vintage bottle of wine with a personalized label is an excellent way of commemorating the event. Frequently a bride may select wedding favors intended to complement the décor of the reception table.

Wedding party favors are special gifts provided to members of the wedding party. The heartfelt gifts may be distributed by the bridegroom couple at the time of the rehearsal dinner or before the wedding, in appreciation for assistance in creating the couples memorable day. Like the wedding favors given to all guests, there are unlimited possibilities for these special gifts. Typically they may be specialized items of a higher dollar value and may be engraved with the name or monogram of the individual in the party.

A common denominator among all modern brides, regardless of cultural background or budget, is for the bride to take pride in the giving and selecting the right wedding favor. The majority of wedding details are bound by tradition or cost, but the wedding favor provides the bride a chance to show her personality and really consider what will delight her guests. Many reusable favors from candles, to statuary can be purchased for as little as a dollar each. Edible favors can be purchased or created for as little as fifty cents a person, while maintaining the European tradition of giving confectionery delights.

Wedding Favors Info provides personalized, homemade, cheap, and unique wedding favors, including chocolate and cookie favors, wedding favor boxes, wedding shower favors, and more. Wedding Favors Info is the sister site of Wedding Invitations Web.

What is the difference between the two? The first way of loving is a condition and learned way to love, which is selfish and self-seeking. We don’t know we are behaving selfishly because we do not know any other way to love.

The second way of loving is what comes naturally because we have loved and accepted God into our lives first. The reason it’s so natural is because we have recognized and utilized the spiritual Christ in our lives, which makes loving a natural process of who we are.

It is very difficult to love another if we are only thinking about ourselves. Some examples of how we love our spouse selfishly are, committing adultery, being disrespectful, using controlling behavior, using negative feelings, becoming resentful, becoming ensnared in an addiction, and the list goes on.

False teachings on marriage and loose morals in society have caused many couples to become bitter and apprehensive when loving one another. Society has lost the value of what real love is and it has tainted couples into sinful behavior. As we all know sin dampens our love for God by turning our focus on ourselves. You cannot truly love your spouse if you only think of yourself.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25-28

1. A Husband should be willing to sacrifice everything for his wife just as Jesus Christ sacrificed everything for us. Do you think a husband who loves God will be able to make his wife the most important aspect of his life?

2. A Husband should make his wife’s well-being of prime importance. Do you think that if a man accepts Christ into his life he will know how to love, protect, provide and care for his wife properly? God will give him the answers he needs.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

As you can see from scripture, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband’s leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife properly. This means doing whatever it takes to protect, provide, love, and care for his wife under the “spiritual authority” given to him by God.

If a husband does not accept the “spiritual authority” of God, then he has no justification to think that his wife submit to him the way God intends for a woman to submit to her husband. Obviously they are not basing their love under the foundations of Jesus Christ, but under their own understanding of what they think love is, and this scripture, therefore, does not apply to them.

Here is what couples usually tell me when they are going through difficulties in their marriage. They want to do what is right for their marriage. They are willing to work at the marriage but don’t know what to do about their problems. Their negative feelings bring them down, and they are usually upset and furious over the iniquities and faults of one another.

The problem is couples are basing their marriage upon worldly views, attitudes, and thoughts, and the fact is, as long as they continue to do so, they will continue to have difficulties loving their spouse properly. When we are not motivated by love, we become critical of our spouse. We stop looking for the good things in those we love and only see their faults.

We can all talk about how to love and we know what the bible says about loving our spouse, but what about doing what it says! Bottom line is real love takes effort, and if the willingness is not there to work on marriage and to love our spouse with the love that comes natural, couples will have problems.

The good news is you can love your spouse naturally and wholly by recognizing and utilizing the foundations of God’s design into your relationship and working off of that for your marriage.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Romans 12:9-13

Angie Lewis is the author of two marriage books.
“Journey on the Roads Less Traveled”, a book about love, life, addiction, and marriage.

“Love The Man Your Married. This book tackles areas in marriage that couples need to know and understand and apply for a successful marriage. This book is a most reliable resource for married couples, from infidelity issues to complete forgiveness.

For more information on these books visit Angie’s website and signup for the free monthly newsletter while you’re there! http://www.heavenministries.com

While there are many different reasons for divorce, a few are common: poor communication, financial issues, lack of commitment, infidelity and a change in priorities. With the exception of financial issues, the reasons point to the selfish attitude of one or more people in the relationship. Communication is only a problem when someone doesn’t want to listen. Commitment to the marriage requires work and compromise, words that are not found in the lazy, egotistical American dictionary. Sneaking out on a spouse to be fulfilled by someone else is not only dishonest, but selfish. People that cheat are looking for a quick fix to make themselves happier all while disregarding the feelings of their partner. Changing priorities is also a quick fix. People who give up on marriage feel that it can’t be changed for the better, so they concentrate on changing something else in their lives, like concentrating on work or a new hobby. Having something else to concentrate their energy on creates temporary happiness and a way to escape the troubles at home.

According to The State of Our Unions, 2005, marriages have declined 50% from 1970, because more people are choosing cohabitation, or living together without a legal commitment, over marriage. Marriage is being replaced by cohabitation because it requires less of a commitment. Cohabitating couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples because there is less reason to work on the relationship. With cohabitation people don’t have to worry about the legal repercussions of divorce and leaving is as easy as packing. Studies have proved that cohabitating before marriage increases the chances of divorce up to 85%, so even if live-in couples eventually marry, it is likely that they will divorce.

Parents don’t take the needs of their children into consideration over their own needs as often as they should. 40% of cohabitating couples bring children into the relationship, creating less stability for the children and teaching them that relationships don’t require commitment. Children from divorce are more likely to develop social problems and their grades are 20% lower than students living with both parents. The U.S. has the lowest number of children who grow up with both biological parents among Western nations, 63%.

Society should value family over the individual. The American attitude needs to be changed because commitment and responsibility are becoming second to personal needs. If people thought of “us” more then “me,” there would be more happy marriages. People need to accept that relationships take time and work, not only for themselves, but for the well-being of their children.

I’m a writing student who is graduating soon. Zephora41230@aol.com

The very first question should be – What is more important? Married life or work life? New work /job can be found, but getting another person to marry will be difficult. What about after retirement? Who will be with us- our spouse or our company? We never think about these issues. For us the stress at that moment is the center of our life. Our mind is occupied with that stress. Therefore when we reach home, we are ready to speak harshly, blame family members, showing irritation and express our frustration in many other ways.

Ideally, when we reach home, we should tell our spouse about the stress and ask help to get over it. He/she will find ways to comfort us. Prepare a comforting hot bath, putting on light music or your favorite television show. We should make our family a partner in our stress and not blame them for contributing to our work woes, because that is generally not the truth. A marriage can be a great cure for stressed life. It is not the place where you go and put all your blames. Bringing balance in life is most important. Make your marriage work for you. Don’t let your work damage your marriage.

The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site, the author writes for, is http://www.ecarduniverse.com/ – it has free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family, expressions, celebrations and all events and occasions.

Packaged margarita and cosmopolitan mixes, sealed in white glossy packaging and printed with beautiful pastel imagery make for a wonderful sensory favor idea. Dry packaged cocktail mixes seal in a freshness and flavor that is unparallel to liquid mixes that require preservatives with distinctive aftertastes to stay fresh. Foil sealed dry mixes give your guests a succulent, fresh taste up until your one-year anniversary.

Try including an elegantly printed scroll with the history of the mixed drink to add dimension and significance to your wedding favor. The history and combinations of mixed drinks are very often symbolic of marriage itself. The margarita, originally concocted in Mexico, combines the course and fiery spirit of tequila made from the blue agave plant with sweet fruit juice to create a perfect union of tasteful pleasure.

Mixed drinks, cocktails, and martinis have a rich social and cultural significance throughout time and culture. Cocktails have long been the focal point of social affairs and the martini culture is on the rise again among young adults. The cosmopolitan is a stylish and modern martini served in a cocktail glass made from vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime juice. When your guests take home this delectable drink mix favor, they can relive the pleasure, fun, and carefree enjoyment of your wedding all over again.

Customize the packaging on your cocktail mix favors with your own message and with a color scheme that compliments your wedding theme. Whether an elegant floral design with your message etched in flowing calligraphy or a fun and whimsical illustration, choose a packaging that reminds your guests of the colors and feel of your union before they even take their first delectable sip.

When choosing party favors, pick favor gifts that evoke as many sensory joys as possible. Give back to the guests who shower you with gifts, love, and laughter with a delicious mixed drink that they can take home and enjoy at their own leisure while reminiscing about your special day.

Author is a small business internet marketing consultant and the cofounder of nGenuity Solutions.

For a full selection of unique wedding favors and personalized wedding cocktail mixes be sure to visit http://www.pwponline.com

How you tackle the wedding crasher is up to you but heaven forbid should he/she be the size of the hulk then approach with care. Wedding crashers are cunning when providing you with an explanation as to who they are, expect the answer to be something like, don’t you recognize me its Joe, Joe Bloggs cousin of and so and so. The bride and groom is easily side tracked in believing the wedding crasher due to the fact that mum/dad did have relations that they had never met. A good way for the wedding crasher to gain entry to the reception is to soften the happy couple up with a gift; you will find this usually does the trick. Most wedding crashers excuse for attending the party is to say they are a member of staff where they pose as a waiter or florist tending to all flowers needs where the wedding reception is held. If the reception is in the married couples garden then forget it.

What is the best time for you to wedding crash well that is easy late into the evening when the party is in full swing. Why you ask, well all gathered at the venue will have had their fair dosage of champagne which will hamper their vision where they dont get to see you or on the other hand the alcohol affects may differ where they have a double vision sighting. So we now have two wedding crashers (the terrible twins).

Security may be provided for your venue if your chosen establishment offers this service but in case they do not then be sure to handle people especially those without an invitation with caution. If your wedding crasher is causing you concern then call the police and have them removed from the premises by the boys in blue.

Why do wedding crashers crash well the reason being is they are fully aware of the effort you put in behind the preparation of your reception and therefore know this is going to be the best bash to crash on that night.

Pick a DJ that you have already heard perform. You might have heard a great DJ in a club, a restaurant, and a hotel, at other wedding parties and celebrations. Your friends are also good sources of DJ’s because chances are you have the same taste in music as they have. When choosing DJ’s, do not shop around anymore because the best DJ’s are the ones you already have heard and liked.

If you haven’t heard a good one lately, your job becomes harder.

Then you can start looking in the yellow pages under disc Jockeys, Music and Entertainment. It will not be wise to bank on a DJ for price consideration alone. Starting DJ’s normally charge smaller than the more experienced one. Get a short list of the DJ’s that have a good and tastefully done ad. If you can find DJ’s that have conducted in several wedding events. When talking to them, try listening to the manner of their speech, the words they use and how they phrase them. The manner in which DJ’s talk tends to spill into their performance.

If the budget however is limited and you have to pick a DJ that is not as expensive, (DJ’s Services usually ranges from $100 to $2000 for a four hours work) make a shortlist of those who sound interesting. You can ask them for references and inquire about them. The more the reference the better. It would also be better if the DJ has a regular venue where they perform so you can visit unannounced. From there you can observe how the people reacts to the DJ. If you like how the DJ carries himself, how he ensures that even requests are handled well that it blends with music continuity and motivates the crowd, you could have found the right one for the occasion.

Do not be impressed by the number of music, gears and equipment that many DJ’s boast. For a four-hour performance, chances are he can only play 60 cuts. If you are not very good at music equipment, you also will not know the difference.

From his collection choose only about 60 to 70 music that he will play for your wedding music.

Pointers in selecting wedding music.

Note the venue of the ceremony. If it has to take place in a church as most weddings are held, coordinate with the minister if there are restrictions in the wedding music. There are also types of songs that are prescribed for certain part of the ceremony. A wedding ceremony consists of six basic parts.

The processional or the march. Bridal march music is meant to usher in the bride and the entourage.
The interludes (four) – which is meant to convey the emotion of the ceremony according to the message of the moment.
The recessional – Wedding music selection for this part is usually happier songs meant to celebrate the new couple and the joining of the families.

In all these you can choose the music that fits within the prescribed dignity of the ceremony. Other wedding music pieces can be played at the reception.

Dean Shainin offers a fabulous website for all wedding essentials at http://weddings.deans-knowledgebase.com Visit and get your free resources, plans and guides for planning that perfect wedding.

Get free online ideas from his: Wedding Planner website.